Monday, December 30, 2013

Happy Holidays from Times Square!

After leaving the theater yesterday, I walked through a heavy rain to the subway entrance in Times Square next to the NYC Police storefront. It's a small narrow stairway, and as I began to descend, a very large, open umbrella appeared at the bottom of the stairs, making its way up. The umbrella was so large, in fact, that it completely obscured the person holding it, as it took up the full width of the stairway. I was halfway down the stairs when we met.

As I tried to press against the side of the stairway, to allow for as much room as possible for the Umbrella, I found the Umbrella pushing against me, unyielding and not reciprocating in my attempt to allow us both to pass. It was trying to barge directly through without any regard for me whatsoever.

I angrily called out something like "Hey! What are you doing?!?!" as the Umbrella, pressing into me rotated around as the person behind it advanced around me. A couple of steps above me the umbrella was closed revealing a woman babbling something at me, I don't know or remember what she said.

Then she took her umbrella and tried to hit me with it! I blocked her swing with my arm, and grabbed onto the umbrella and yanked it from her. I them proceeded to hit her back with her umbrella a few times. I felt like I was connecting with these swings, but she had a heavy coat on and I don't know if she felt anything at all.

She howled at me, "What are you doing?? Why are you hitting a woman??" I flung her umbrella down, (as Roger Clemens did with Mike Piazza's broken bat, #hotstovebaseball) shouted a few obscenities at her and went down the stairs to catch my train home, as she scurried up the stairs into the rain.

P.S. :

I cut my hand pretty badly as I grabbed her umbrella after she whacked at me with it. I suppose that my grip on the metal edges of her weapon of choice made my injury worse as I whacked back at her. If only I had just walked away, I wouldn't have needed the tetanus shot I got this morning and the run of antibiotics that I'll be taking as a precaution.

Adrenalin is a bitch.


  1. I guess I was kind of foaming at the mouth....

  2. This is why we Catholics have Confession. We get it off our chest. We're absolved of our sin. Most importantly, it's confidential.

  3. So my assailant was Catholic? I should have known!